Pratitya Samutpada

MY (Almost) FULBRIGHT PROPOSAL ... from 3 yrs ago:

One point Father F could not have emphasized more in his Buddhism class was the idea of Pratitya Samutpada: everything rises, persists, then ceases. In Mongolia however, despite rigorous prohibition and prosecution, Buddhism continues to persist in the culture and in the lives of the people. It is in Mongolia, a place Buddhism not only survives but thrives, where I want to cultivate my understanding of compassion and understand more fully how beautifully it fits into my path to being an Art Therapist. Throughout my time in Mongolia I will be studying Buddhism in the context of Mongol culture and compiling a photographic journal to creatively represent the basic principles of Buddhism. The images will complete a book which I will use as a tool for future art therapy patients as a guide to reflecting and understanding life and their place within it. As Dr. KH, my Zen instructor, would say, my photography will ultimately be a modern day Ox Herding Picture, creatively and abstractly capturing the Four Nobel Truths, the steps to enlightenment.

After having traveled to not only Europe, twice, but committed to service in Tijuana and El Salvador I understand how much is lost in translation and the need for breaking language barriers. I have studied French and some Italian and Spanish and am confident in the success of my Mongolian studies. I am continuing to make valuable connections with the Mongol community from the Venerable Karuna Dharma here in Los Angeles to the Venerable Chantal Carrerot of the Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition (FPMT) in Ulaanbaatar and plan to have a year of Mongolian language completed by my arrival in Mongolia. When I arrive, thanks to Uyanga, the Cultural Assistant at the US Embassy in Ulaanbaatar, I will enroll in a six-week survival Mongolian course at the Bridge School in the capital city. In addition to that course and throughout my stay I will be checking in with a tutor at the National University of Mongolia (NUM). There I will take various courses in any combination of Mongolian culture, religion, and history. For further language practice as well as a better understanding of Mongol culture I will spend some time in the countryside touring with friends I will make in the community where I live in Ulaanbaatar.

Beyond the classroom I plan to complete the Discovering Buddhism from Home program offered by the FPMT. The Venerable Chantal Carrerot or one of her collegues will be my advisor and mentor through this transformation. I will also check in with Munkhbaatar from the Gandan Tegchenling Monastery and the Center of Mongolian Buddhists. Under his eye I will observe and hopefully engage in Tibetan Buddhist rituals and meditation practices. Alongside this program I will be constructing my photography project, reflecting on my meditations on Buddhism. My images will represent my understanding of Buddhist concepts such as the three marks of existence: all is suffering, all is impermanent, and the self as an illusion. Ideas such as Nirvana cannot be understood through verbal or written dialogue due to its complexity. Only through the abstraction of art, in my case photography, can one begin to realize the truth behind Buddhism.

My background in community service and my involvement the I------ Service Organization at (university) has taught me, through countless hours of volunteering and community service, that practical application of skills is an intricate part of the learning experience. Similar to my (youth) mentor program through the College of Fine Arts at (university), I will be involved with the ArtsCouncil of Mongolia’s Artsplus after school arts education program for young Mongolians. Through my involvement with this program I hope to gain insight for my future Art Therapy studies.

I found these programs through the aid of SM and SS, two current Peace Corps volunteers in Mongolia as well as LF, a current Fulbrighter there. They have connected me to many valued people but if the Fulbright Program or Institute for International Education has contacts in mind they believe fit my project I welcome the suggestion.

In Buddhism there are Four Noble Truths that one must understand before enlightenment can occur: life is suffering, the origin of this suffering is desire, when desire stops so will suffering, and there is a path to ending desire. This path is pure compassion or Karuna. It is fitting that the name of my first guide here in Los Angeles, the Venerable Karuna Dharma, means the truth of pure compassion. The compassion, simplicity, and peace I find in Buddhism, I find in photography as well. Combining my learned Buddhist meditation practices and my strengthened sense of art and culture, I will be a better resource for my future therapy patients. I will be able to communicate better how to achieve peace through not only artistic expression but through helping my patients understand the crucial element of compassion in everyday life. Upon my return to the United States, I will earn a Masters in Art Therapy and hope to go back to Mongolia again to further my research and understanding. Only through rich, intellectual and cultural exchanges like the Fulbright can humans truly take on the world and cultivate peace, internally and subsequently externally.

Problem or thesis:

When a human being does not know herself, she is in danger of destroying the very world she lives in. Art therapy can be a guide to understanding oneself, the world, and ones place within it. Through this process one learns wu-wei, a Buddhist concept that can be understood as working with the world instead of fighting against it constantly.

Your particular study/creative project:

I propose to create a photographic essay that reflects the process of going from unrest to understanding. This collection of photographs will be a resource, similar to a set of narrative meditations, which art therapy patients can use to guide themselves through this transformation.

Methodology:

My first step is to complete a six-week survival course in Mongolian at the Bridge School in Ulaanbaatar. Next I will enroll in courses in history, religion, and culture at the National University of Mongolia. In parallel I will study Buddhism under the guidance of monks at the Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition and the Gandan Tegchenling Monastery. Throughout my stay I plan to assist with the Arts Council of Mongolia’s Artsplus after school art program will reinforce my studies through practical application.

Rationale for country/region:

Despite a history of prohibition and persecution, Buddhism survives in Mongolia. Of all the places in the world this remote, nomadic region maintains a strong faith in Buddhism which both impresses and attracts me. Here I am confident that my Buddhism studies will be thorough and passionately taught.

Institutional, in-country affiliation (university, agency, center where you will work):

In addition to taking courses in culture, history, and religion at the National University of Mongolia, I will be working closely in a Buddhism studies program at the Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition and an after school youth art program offered by the Arts Council of Mongolia.

Anticipated outcomes (personal/professional/academic):

The immediate outcome is the photographic resource I will provide for my future patients. After my time in Mongolia I will pursue a Masters in Art Therapy. Through my Fulbright experience I hope to gain insight as to the importance of art and culture in regard to mental health and form a stronger connection to and understanding of my photographic craft.

Wu-Wei

Last night I went to yet another fabulous Fulbright party hosted by the incredible Dr. H (just being in the same room as her is inspiring). I am a lucky kid to be a part of such an invigorating group of intellectuals. The evening's host was Jose Cabrera and his lovely wife, and fellow aspiring Fulbright like myself, Naomi. Over a communal dinner of falafels and hummus, he shared his story via slide show of his year long art therapy based initiative in a small town in Mexico called Queretaro.

As the evening progressed we began sharing our own personal experience of the application process with the interested few. My life's taken so many wonderful and expected turns since then, but I wanted to take a moment to remember that adventure. I have been fortunate enough to have several moments in my life where I felt anything was possible and the Fulbright process was one of the best ones.

...

Being the spirited little go-getter that I was three years ago (and still am now) I marched right into my university's Fulbright counselor's office and planted myself on her couch. "Hi, My name is L---- and I want to do a Fulbright!"

I had next to no idea what I was doing or what a Fulbright meant or where to even start. I don't even think I had a project idea yet, but I just knew I had to have one! Three countries and many more ideas worth of research later I had finally found my destination: Mongolia. After having enthusiastically completed my studies in photography, art of Zen, and Buddhism I constructed my proposal (see next entry). Then an extraordinary thing happened...

After an exhaustive 11 months I had come up with a project summary, personal statement, several institute affiliations, a language requisition, 2 peace corps and 1 Fulbright contact in Mongolia. Communicating with people who have intermittent internet access and a limited knowledge of English on the other side of the planet was an accomplishment in and of itself. But as that finish line approached, and even though I received such positive and encouraging feedback from my letter writers and Dr. H, something had changed. I had changed. I realized something invaluable, something profound and world changing.

I realized I was going to be a doctor.

It was through that long, arduous, and completely self motivated process that I found my path to the most splendid future I could dream for myself.

With much deliberation and meditation I finally met with Dr H to confess my discovery. To my surprise she was the farthest thing from upset or frustrated, despite having put in such effort and time on my behalf. When I told her I had decided not to submit my application but to instead enroll in two years of post-bac classes so I may apply to medical school, she gave me a hug and cheered and was more excited than even I was at the time.

Fast forward three years, here I am sitting by the phone waiting to hear back from a perfect fit medical school after having completely rocked the socks off my interview. I can't wait for whatever adventures are coming next. Having gone through the Fulbright, having completed my solo shows, having not only finished but excelled in my post-bac curriculum, having earned a medical school interview.... not only do I believe I can do anything, I have the empirical evidence to prove it! :) So to that guy in the science building hallway three years ago when I was signing up for classes who told me that I must be dumb as rocks because I chose to get my bachelors in art.... BITE ME.

:)

ahHA

You're right, I'm right. And we're both wrong.

That was the discussion of a TED talk by Derek Sivers about opposites which I watched with a selfish, baggage-laden manipulator who thinks I'm a self-righteous deceptive egomaniac. He's right. I'm right. And we've both got each other horrible wrong.

But I find that refreshing. To know that out there somewhere is someone who thinks in polarity with me. I guess it's a manifestation of the balance in nature I so firmly believe in.

Today marks the end of the most philosophically intriguing relationship I've ever been in. I'm grateful to that person for that experience. And that it is finally over.

Amen.

This is Water

Snagged this from a brilliant friend's blog (thanks, B) and found it exceptional and worth noting here as well.

While you poke around aimlessly on the internet today, take a moment to ponder this*

Here the late David Foster Wallace captures what I have too discovered to be capital-T True in my own experience and hope this helps you find similar peace in yours.


* in case the link breaks at some point in the future: it's a column adapted from the commencement speech the author gave to a graduating class at Kenyon College, Ohio

If Anything

Recently I realized something unsettling about myself. The pleasure I get from watching things fall apart is unequivocal.

Perhaps pleasure is too morose a connotation than I am aiming for, perhaps it is merely a perverse fascination, or, perhaps, I have a small excitable engineer for a heart.

Watching breathtaking Buddhist sand paintings that take days to create get swept up immediately afterwards is an upsetting and profound reminder that it is just that, a pile of sand. But for that brief moment you forget its parts and imagine its whole to be extraordinary.

The opposite occurs when I watch building demolition videos. I imagine them like an opera set to Tchaikovsky. I forget that someone designed it, that someone's marriage inevitably suffered from long nights at the office there, someone there realized this was the wrong career for them, someone kept secrets there. All those stories tumble to the earth with the steel and concrete, but in the moment I only ever see rubble and dust, with Tchaikovsky undertones.

Watching the brain splicing of a frozen UCSD donor specimen researchers were making slides out of was an interesting one. You have this transition happening before your eyes where you're physically destroying one thing to turn it into something completely different while still, somewhat, maintaining its original identity.

Short stories function similarly. You take this one brief moment, this one thread of time, and immortalize it, give it retrospective significance that may not be entirely honest with the actual past event, if non-fiction. And in fiction, you wrap yourself in fantasy, you believe the imagined, invest in the figurative, and project a personal meaning onto another's words.

It's an interesting dissection of time and place, of illusion and reality. Makes me wonder what is "true."

If anything.

Sam I Am

Why is it that whenever I try to explain myself my explanation though true in the moment is immediately void of relevance and accuracy the second the words leave my breath?

They seem all at once honest and a lie.

I mean what I say when I say it, then, in retrospect it always feels -- not quite right.

Curious.

Nemesis

My book laid out some ground rules for prepping for med school. Oh yeah, I've gone ahead and canceled my MCAT and put all my eggs in the Creighton basket, realizing if I were waitlist-ed (worst case) I definitely wont have the motivation to pull myself through yet another gauntlet of test prep. Hells to the no. Let's be real.

So it says I should get in the best shape possible... translation, get my ass out of bed by 6 so I can at least attempt some weights-abs-cardio something. First goal, get out of bed. Second, find a routine.

Ahh routine... my nemesis. It's not that I don't envy those with routines, I do, but it's more like a character repulsion. It just doesn't fit with my person. I've tried to maintain them and I generally last on average a day and a half.

But, alas, I must try once again, for the sake of med school survival.

Routine!
6am - up, awake, ready to be productive
6-7 exercise/hang laundry that I forgot in the washer
7-7:30 get ready for work(class)
8-5 work (class)
5-6p unwind, go for a walk, tea, read the paper... something.
7-10 errands (study) etc.
10-10:30 get ready for bed
11p sleep time.

ok i'm realizing i need more time than that for studying BUT from what I gather class is only 8-12ish... so I could potentially do study time 2-8ish and unwind time after?

work in progress... let's just try getting out of bed first.

GOALS:
1) Exercise regimen
2) Taxes/Fafsa
3) Scholarship search + app
4) Clean room FOR REAL
5) Sit down and plan school budget, figure out loan options
6) Make time for spanish tapes... maybe during exercise time?
7) Get 2nd job (?) hmmm!!
8) figure out Cow Town's winter break 4 trip planning with fam