No Religion, Too.

My two dear darling beautiful friends G and G went with me to the planetarium today to watch Center of the Universe. Before the show I was remarking how I couldn't contemplate outer space because it was so magnificent and incredible and I hadn't yet figured out how to factor it into my complex, piecemeal belief system. The presentation was so beautiful and gently probing however, that I became all at once awestruck by the beauty of knowing so little and being a part of such an enormous ... thing (even if relatively insignificant). I left there corrected, humbled, and yet, unshaken. I am still without a theism, deeply in love with nature and science, still believe art is what makes life bearable, etc. The universe was still a universe before I existed, my mom told me so, and will likely still be a universe long after my useful body parts have been donated and my remaining bits have been burnt and the ashes have been mixed in with a newly planted tree (my death wishes). And that relative insignificance doesn't scare me anymore. Whether or not my existence matters in the grand scheme of things, as far as I can tell, doing good work and promoting peace, love, health, and justice still seem like something worthy of my short little insignificant time here on this one little planet. This is the world I have to live in right now and I want it to be a happy, healthy, peaceful, decent, courteous, respectful, thoughtful, loving, funny, delicious etc place. Amen.

That said... my experience today got me to thinking... as pretty much everything does.

This is what I was thinking about:

There are two things people fear most, two things that send them either running to or running from religion, and they are: death and the cosmos. Death leads to questions about the end, cosmos, the beginning, and both to questions about meaning and purpose.

After experiencing more premature deaths than I care to describe here, I have constructed a very personal relationship with death. For one I was born during the spirit of the Dia de los Muertos celebration and though that is neither here nor there and simply serves as a fun insignificant fact, I've always felt strangely connected to the earth with a peculiar acceptance of mortality. I suppose part of that was a small misdiagnosis by my now former personal physician followed by yet another one of those too close for comfort premature deaths that convinced me for a long time that I was going to die young. Suddenly now was so precious, then wasn't important, and next wasn't so assured. I began living in the moment more and more fully. This obsession with present investment in turn manifested as an anxiety disorder in which I couldn't fall asleep at night if I didn't feel I had been productive that day. I thoroughly detest wasted time and find being around unambitious, weak people as a major source of irrational panic. But over the course of a series of adventures (and misadventures) my mind and whatever internal parts of me constitute my spiritual nature have found a growing peace. Sleep still evades me from time to time and my restlessness is persistent but most of my worry has subsided with the soothing discovery of Buddhism.

Before I took my Buddhism and Zen courses in college I was a mischievous Catholic. I say Catholic because that was the groundwork of my first religious stirrings in a horrifically hypocritical Catholic school where my Catholic faith was just as quickly being constructed as deconstructed. Being brought up in a family of fiercely independently minded intellectuals and academics I naturally had a strong inclination to question everything. By the time I discovered Wiccan paganism in 6th grade I had already put the notion of a god on the shelf and had flat out refused to go to mass by the time I was 13. It wasn't that I was anti-theism or anti-worship, it just no longer felt comfortable to wear that Catholic title, to partake in the Catholic customs, though the principles of thought remained (the golden rule, love thy neighbor, forgiveness, that good stuff). The one thing Catholicism, Wicca, and Buddhim, and ultimately the career I have chosen for myself have in common, is the notion to do no harm, to oneself or another. This for me transcended into a long journey of self reflection and at times self persecution, always on some existential, transcendental quest to improve myself. Admittedly I went a little overboard in my young, timid late teens and hit a slight self-loathing, destructive patch but the thing that cured me wasn't a personal lord and savior but community service and art, the former to remind me that it wasn't all about me, and the latter to help me healthfully digest my past, comprehend my present, and dream sweetly about my future.

In my meditations on what I have done right and what I have done wrong, on the bad things that have happened that I allowed, and on the good things that haven't yet that I have no control over, I have come up with a pretty good, albeit personal and nameless eclectic religion that goes something like this:

I believe...
~everything is connected, you, me, this desk plant, the water I'm drinking, everything
~you should treat everyone with respect regardless of who, what, how, when, and why, especially if you expect it in return
~everyone should have food, shelter, healthcare, choice, education, love
~whether or not there is a god isn't going to change how I live my life or why I live it the way I do. I will respect the possibility but I will not base my decisions, actions, intentions, or motivations on that theory.
~what you have and know right now is all that is certain, it's precious and fleeting and should never be taken for granted
~if __ doesn't make you happy, make you a better person, inspire or support you, get rid of __, life's too short otherwise.
~the planet is a living thing that is not ours to own but ours to love, nurture, respect, and restore
~nature is far more powerful and complex than we could possibly imagine or begin to explore
~everyone has a right to what happens to their own body - this means regardless of how I feel about abortion it should always, always be legal, safe, and accessible
~sexual liberation is life affirming and abstinence only education is irresponsible. Kids are going to have sex, face it and teach them how to do it safely, responsibly, and respectfully.
~you have to be comfortable with yourself before you can have a really fulfilling, satisfying intimate experience (with or without sex)
~you only get one body so if you're going to put it in harms way, at least know what you're signing up for and be ready for the consequences should they arise. Everyone has their vice, just know what you're gambling and ask yourself if it's worth it. For me, if it's not something I'd want to tell my little siblings who look up to me about, then maybe I shouldn't do it.
~"an eye for an eye" makes no sense and only perpetuates pain (has something to do with my notion of everything being connected)
~the Wiccan Rede, "an ye harm none, do as ye will" includes harm to yourself, and that you can only have as much self respect as you allow others to show you and as much as you show other people
~marriage is personal and has nothing to do with gender, race, or creed. I'm hardcore equal rights. I've been fortunate to have really strong women in my life but I still don't follow feminism for this reason. I'm a woman, ok, so hear me roar... with equal volume and vivacity as male counterparts... as well as gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders.
~this is the only life I have or will ever know, so I'm not putting all my eggs in the heaven basket...
~if you don't plan for the future you wont have much of one
~an education is the greatest gift, tool, and weapon
~the most important and significant thing I have ever learned is how to read
~there is tremendous power in the strength of the human spirit and will
~happiness is not a goal but a perspective and a way of life, you cannot achieve it passively
~if you dont like it, change it
~children are the future, invest in them
~you're stronger than you think
~you have to love yourself before you can give love or let love happen (with any success or health, anyway)
~asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness and if you can help, you should
~confidence is key to pretty much everything
~if you're not going to do it right, well, or with integrity, don't do it at all
~people are inherently good and learn evil
~if you don't deal with it now it will distort and haunt the later
~nature has a way of balancing things out but it's not something you can count on for personal gain, validation, etc. karma is an idea, not a guarantee. good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. that's just life. it is what it is, how you deal with it is what matters.
~focus on the good and the positive and you'll live a happy, full, rich life
~perfection is an illusion and an unattractive one

... what have I missed...?